Depression Unlimited:(((((((

It happens so often that you feel depressed and sad without any reason. Everything seems unfamiliar to you. You cannot rely on yourself when you are going through such situation. There may be some moment when you say, 'I quit! To hell with everything and everybody'. You can get angry fits. You can hurt someone, say something really rude to anyone....

I don't understand this. A microprocessor is so easy to understand, but human being is much more complex thing . Whenever I try to understand a human nature,  I find myself entangled in a more complex web. Its even difficult for me to understand myself. With the help of probability theory we may be able to find the chance of rainfall at particular place, but we can't predict moods and behavior of a single human being. Not even ourselves!!!
I don't know, may be some of you won't agree but this is what happens to me. I can't predict myself. If you can, then that's a big achievement.
Now, let us consider the part about feeling sad without any reason. Well, I reckon there must be some reason behind your sadness.Its just that you don't realize it. May be it's something from your subconscious mind. It is the possibility that you are hurt, or missing someone or feeling loneliness. There might be number of reasons. So I suggest in that case you should sit and try to find the reason behind your depression. When you have found it, just try to satisfy yourself that it's not a big deal. It's O.K. What is past is past. Move on. I hope you wouldn't need any anti-depression pills................ :)

A page from Diary of a Vampire...

It has been a year I haven't slept. One whole year! It means something man! Every time I try to close my eyes, the blood rushing furiously in my body urges me to open them again. There is this restlessness that I cannot shove away. I want to sleep...
It was same date, same month previous year when I was turned by God-knows who. In this period, my cravings for blood increased exponentially and are still increasing. I don't know how to handle this situation. I knew that I would soon be tired of living. So, In this whole year I constantly kept looking for ways to kill a creature like me. But unfortunately I have found nothing that can actually destroy me. I am disappointed. May be I'll have to live for thousands of years. I am not ready for this. All I wanna do is to sleep. Sleep forever........

My passion for music

Here comes my latest obsession, Piano. I really want to learn proper music language and a simple keyboard operation. In fact it was the result of this new passion that I convinced The Royal Abbasi ( Mr. Gray calls her so :p) and one and only Pashu to sing Shahzaman's udeekan with me. Excluding the fact that I am practically a bad singer, I have decided to continue this fun. We may make some band-like-thing in future. The Royal Abbasi also seems to be in love with musical instruments (good sign for me!) I must also make a wish at this point that I may not change my flip-flop state before doing something really big and good. But for the time-being, I am into it!
I must say that the biggest drawback in Harry Potter 7 Part 1 was that they didn't use background music. On this Eid I was watching Harry Potter 4 and was realizing that the use of musical effects was indeed excellent. Harry Potter 7 is quite quiet which also makes it boring and depressing. Now my friends, I hope that you would have realized the importance of music in life (and movies). 

Frustrated Author

I am completely frustrated today. I started working on this ruddy project at 10 am in the morning today and after 34 minutes it will be 12 hours continuous working minus 2 hours sleep. I knew I hated Proteus but now I am quite sure about it. After joining hundreds of pins together my brain started swimming in my skull like some jelly fish. Things would be different if this huge circuit had worked a bit. To my full annoyance, it is still not working! Blow it! The problem is that I am unable to debug my circuit. It was working well people, but as soon as I connected one end to the other, it went mad. I am fed up now! On and off I open Facebook to check if someone is on chat, but I think everyone is busy in this stupid project. And can you imagine! This circuit is stuck to my mind so badly that I even dreamed about it! In order to keep myself relaxed in this worst agony, I keep on surfing on Google Earth. Roaming about the world while sitting in your chair seems quite a cool idea to me. I strayed in the streets of Sydney today. Then I traveled in oceans and reached Antarctica. It felt as if I myself was sitting in some ship and looking into the moving water. The feeling became quite real while my brain was also swimming due to that stupid circuit. I don't know when I will find the bug and my circuit will run in a way as it ran in my dream!! 

The Cricket Mania

While the world cup is going on, my heart beats with every Pakistani wicket taken and all sixes and fours. I kept on telling people that 19 happens to be a very lucky date and here is the proof: Pakistan wins match against Australia after 12 years! Wow! A big victory. After every prayer, I pray for Pakistan's victory, 'Please! Please my Lord! Pakistan should win this World cup!' Ah! My biggest wish nowadays! Let's have a look on the other side of picture! I do get berserk when Afridi is catch out at the moment when he was supposed to stick to the pitch. Well, this is game, one may lose or win.
Few of my friends raised the argument why people get crazy about cricket? Interesting question indeed! Cricket often gets boring, even unbearable. In fact I don't remember being a great fan of the game in remote past. But all the same, I think that it's a part of entertainment. It's the matter of interest; if one enjoys doing blogging, he/she will find it entertaining. And if someone like me likes cricket, he/she will find it enjoyable. I detest football, I will never find it entertaining. We may argue on a scientific theory but we can't argue on our interests. They are different for different people. Well, I think people shouldn't get that crazy as they do. For instance, Indians once had shown violence in the pavilion when India lost her match. Pakistanis are also a bit too passionate. Stories of breaking one's TV's and radios on listening that Pakistan has lost the game are very common. But I do like the idea of praying together, celebrating together and mourning together. It all contains sense of unity. It depicts that we are one nation and our hearts beat simultaneously. We forget our sorrows and griefs when Pakistani team is on the pitch. Our passions converge to one single goal: Victory!

The Picture of Dorian Gray_ A review

Another remarkable piece of art by Oscar Wilde. The storyline is so strong that I couldn't help appreciating it. All I could conclude from the story was, 'No matter how you get deeper into violence and sin you have to regret in the end' This is the story containing a strong moral lesson. A young and beautiful man like Dorian was quite likely to get distracted especially in the era when whole English society was under a fast transformation. And especially when Dorian himself was under a strong influence of a person like Harry, who happened to have bad impact on his friends. With his youth and beauty, it wasn't unnatural for Dorian Gray to make a wish for eternal beauty. Well, he did get his wish fulfilled with the help of his own picture made by his friend Basil who later was killed by Dorian himself. The story reveals the weaknesses of human nature. It portraits the strong feelings of regret and shame. After passing his whole life in sin, Dorian realizes that he actually had destroyed his soul. He wanted to repair it by being good, but an irrevocable damage had been made to his soul. He could not mend it and died. Well, it was just an incomplete outline of the story. All the same, I liked it very much and I would appreciate if you read it too.

The real Exam

I screwed my electronics paper. Yes I just screwed it. When I got those horrible marks, I just couldn't collect myself. Instead of consoling, I kept on blaming myself. 'It's all your fault! You knew how to solve that question! What on the earth you were thinking at that time! You stupid prat! You lost 20 marks deliberately, you could do that!', I said to myself. Lying on my bed, staring constantly to roof of the room, with all lights switched off I was regretting on those three hours which I had spent on that electronics paper. Well, words of Harry echoed in my ears 'What is past is past. Every experience has a value'. Yes, that was absolutely right! There was no point of regretting on past. Today, during my evening walk I was thinking about my electronics paper again. And then it came into my mind, how long I was going to regret on my mistakes. I know that as a result my GPA will go down. But how long this tragedy will effect me? Two days? A week? A month? Or if I were a worst kind on nerd, a year? What will happen afterwards? I'll forget it. After ten years I would have forgotten completely that once I had screwed my electronics paper. Then why I am taking too much stress of it on my poor mind! To hell with everything! And then at this moment, I remembered my real exam. The exam which I have to take in this world. Exam of my life. I was screwing this up too. Could I ever imagine what kind of results this can bring to me. What will it mean to me if I get less than 50 percent! Fire forever, pain forever, shame forever. This thought moved my inners. This word 'forever' seemed much powerful than the regretfulness of few weeks. I will forget my mistakes I made in electronics paper after few weeks, my low GPA will effect me for just few years, speaking of very extreme case. But 49 percent in my real exam would lead me to pain for eternity. Why didn't I think of this before? Why did I take my real exam so easy? This indeed is my real fault, a big mistake of mine. May be I can improve my result and GPA in next semester. But I wouldn't get another life to improve my results. I am afraid of that day when I will be shown my soul. But then I think that may be I won't be that afraid of that day. May be I'll become a better person in future and let me hope and pray that when I'll be shown my soul I'll not shut my eyes in horror...

The last beginning

After being disappointed several times, a helpless man is left with no other option than to give himself in hands of death. This is the last beginning of his new life! The life about which none of us is sure and about which most of us deceive ourselves by speculating it as nothingness, no happiness no pain. I would very much like to believe that life after our current life leads us to state of peace and sacred calm, that grave is a place where you don't have to face any worldly problem. In fact I would like to imagine it as the place where one can have dreamless and calm sleep forever. I guess people who commit suicide must have the vague idea that they would get rid of all problems which seem to have chasing them since their birth. But how unfortunate! Unfortunate but just. Grave is the place where we have to bear the burden of our sins, which might become beginning of new, but difficult life. It is the place where we have to see our own soul! It depends now how much we have infected our soul in this little world. Death is not a source of freedom for everyone. It is equivalent to a case when a prisoner is shifted from one jail to another. Nor it is the last beginning. We ourselves don't know how many lives we have had and how many we will have. In fact we are immortal. Death is just a small interval between separation and recombination of soul and body. We are never free, never! In fact we are not made for freedom. It has been put in our nature to worship. All of us are always worshipping; those who don't worship God, worship money or people or satin or any other temptation of life. We are never free, so its pretty useless to give oneself to death to get freedom! Of these worshippers, successful are those who worship their true Lord, Allah Almighty. And who follow the right path....